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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Nancy Pelosi Rushes Into Living Room To Hear Grandson’s First Talking Point

SAN FRANCISCO—Setting down her newspaper at the sound of the young child’s voice, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi reportedly rushed into her living room Thursday to hear her grandson say his first talking point. “Paul, get in here, I think he’s doing it,” said Pelosi, who reportedly could barely contain her excitement as the toddler proceeded to sputter through a line about reinvigorating the middle class by opposing tax cuts for Big Oil and corporations that ship jobs overseas. “Would you listen to that? He even pronounced ‘special interests’ correctly. Quick, somebody get the camcorder; I want to be able to save this forever.” As of press time, Pelosi was carefully helping her grandson walk back previous comments on Benghazi.

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