After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Report: Mom Sending You Something

PORTLAND, ME—Stating that she had put it in the mail this morning and that you should keep an eye out for it, your mother notified you Saturday that she was sending you something, reports confirmed.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:
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Nanny Appears In Child's Drawings More Than Mother

MALIBU, CA–According to reports, Consuela Rodriguez, 41, nanny of Sara Denton, has appeared in more of the 6-year-old's crayon drawings than her own mother. "Here's a picture of me and Consuela at the zoo," Sara said Tuesday. "And here's me and Consuela at the park, and us eating at McDonald's. And this one is me and Consuela as ballerinas, and this one is me and Consuela having a picnic with SpongeBob. And here's one of Mommy in her car, driving to work." Sara's mother could not be reached for comment.

After Birth

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