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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Narrow Gaps In Bathroom Stall Doors To Be Widened Monday

WASHINGTON—Introducing a new measure set to be implemented nationwide, officials announced that gaps in restroom stall doors in American workplaces, restaurants, schools, theaters, and all other public places will be made wider by the start of business Monday morning. “We ask citizens to bear with us as we modernize every toilet stall in the country by doubling the width of the gap between each door and its surrounding frame,” Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius said of the sweeping, mandatory initiative. “The inconvenience should only last a few hours—just long enough to reduce the overall height of the stalls by several inches and retrofit the doors so they are slightly translucent and feature no locking bolt. Then you may all get on with your lives.” Sebelius added that her department unfortunately does not have room in its budget to pay for the lubrication of the country’s glory holes, but said an effort would be made to sand down any sharp edges that are found.

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