adBlockCheck

Recent News

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
End Of Section
  • More News

NASA Announces Future Shuttle Launches Will Be Sudden And Without Warning

The Shuttle <I>Discovery</I> blasts off on a whim.

CAPE CANAVAREL, FL (Aug. 18)—NASA Administrator Michael Griffin announced during a press conference Thursday that the space-shuttle program would address criticisms about delays and setbacks by placing the shuttles on unannounced and impromptu missions. "Those who believe we lack initiative will be happy to learn that, from now on, we go at the drop of a hat," Griffin said. "Whatever experiments are on board when the engines start, those are the ones we do. Astronauts will be permanently quartered in the ready room, and will be notified when they hear the countdown start at, say, 20. It's part of NASA's exciting new..." The rest of Griffin's announcement was inaudible in the overwhelming sound of the Shuttle Discovery, whose crew decided to launch during his speech.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close