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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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NASA Announces Plans To Launch Chimpanzee Into Sun

WASHINGTON—In what is being called a crucial step forward in solar exploration, NASA officials announced Wednesday a new mission to launch a chimpanzee directly into the sun. “Chimpanzees are our closest biological relative, so we can learn a great deal by observing how they react to being deposited into the sun’s plasma core,” said NASA Administrator Charles Bolden, adding that the single-occupant capsule would contain sophisticated instruments that would monitor the effects of the sun’s 27 million-degree interior on the physiological functions of the animal. “Hopefully, what we learn from this mission will pave the way for sending human astronauts into the sun on a regular basis.” Bolden went on to suggest that, should humans be successfully launched into the sun, there may one day be a permanent colony there.

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