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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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NASA Announces Plans To Launch Chimpanzee Into Sun

WASHINGTON—In what is being called a crucial step forward in solar exploration, NASA officials announced Wednesday a new mission to launch a chimpanzee directly into the sun. “Chimpanzees are our closest biological relative, so we can learn a great deal by observing how they react to being deposited into the sun’s plasma core,” said NASA Administrator Charles Bolden, adding that the single-occupant capsule would contain sophisticated instruments that would monitor the effects of the sun’s 27 million-degree interior on the physiological functions of the animal. “Hopefully, what we learn from this mission will pave the way for sending human astronauts into the sun on a regular basis.” Bolden went on to suggest that, should humans be successfully launched into the sun, there may one day be a permanent colony there.

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