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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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NASA: Voyager-1 Has Officially Carried Remains Of Joan Crawford Outside Solar System

WASHINGTON—Hailing the achievement as a monumental one for both the space program and humanity as a whole, NASA officials announced Friday that the Voyager 1 probe, first launched in 1977, has entered interstellar space with the remains of late actress Joan Crawford. “The Voyager 1’s plasma-wave antennas recently picked up two significant electron oscillations, leading us to the thrilling discovery that Joan Crawford’s body had crossed the threshold into the interstellar medium sometime around August 25, 2012,” said Voyager project scientist and plasma physicist Don Gurnett, adding that upon completing its primary mission to take the late star of Mildred Pierce as far as Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune in 1989, the spacecraft then continued flying toward the edge of the heliosphere. “When Ms. Crawford was first placed inside the Voyager 1 hatch and launched into space 36 years ago, this was just a far-off dream. To see it become scientific reality is truly overwhelming.” NASA confirmed that scientists have also maintained contact with the Voyager 1’s sister craft, the Voyager 2, which is expected to reach the Kuiper Belt and then jettison the body of singer Bing Crosby within the next several years.

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