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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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NASA: Voyager-1 Has Officially Carried Remains Of Joan Crawford Outside Solar System

WASHINGTON—Hailing the achievement as a monumental one for both the space program and humanity as a whole, NASA officials announced Friday that the Voyager 1 probe, first launched in 1977, has entered interstellar space with the remains of late actress Joan Crawford. “The Voyager 1’s plasma-wave antennas recently picked up two significant electron oscillations, leading us to the thrilling discovery that Joan Crawford’s body had crossed the threshold into the interstellar medium sometime around August 25, 2012,” said Voyager project scientist and plasma physicist Don Gurnett, adding that upon completing its primary mission to take the late star of Mildred Pierce as far as Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune in 1989, the spacecraft then continued flying toward the edge of the heliosphere. “When Ms. Crawford was first placed inside the Voyager 1 hatch and launched into space 36 years ago, this was just a far-off dream. To see it become scientific reality is truly overwhelming.” NASA confirmed that scientists have also maintained contact with the Voyager 1’s sister craft, the Voyager 2, which is expected to reach the Kuiper Belt and then jettison the body of singer Bing Crosby within the next several years.

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