Residents of Pennington, IL report that hot shit Jeff Statsky has returned home with his tail between his legs.
HOMESTEAD, FL—Moments after the Nextel Cup Series came to an end following the Ford 400 Sunday, NASCAR drivers eagerly redeemed the points they amassed over the course of the season for an exciting selection of prizes, games, and candy. "I knew that every lap was bringing me closer to that awesome BMX bike," said series champion Tony Stewart, who used the remainder of his 6,533 points to get a shower radio, a wall watch, and a mini tape recorder. "I could have gotten the inflatable electric raft if only I got to 7,000 points, or pooled my total with another racer like how Jimmie [Johnson] and Mark [Martin] did, but I'm pretty happy with the prizes I earned." Wayne Anderson, who was forced to pick his prize last after finishing with just 34 points, was only able to afford 15 Airheads and four wax mustaches.