adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

NASCAR Considers Single 21,500 Mile Race For 2011 Season

CHARLOTTE, NC—Citing the need to cut travel and promotional costs while still providing a top-notch racing experience for fans, NASCAR president Mike Helton announced Thursday that the schedule for 2011 may consist of a single 21,500-mile event. "Holding 36 separate races as we do now is just complicated, and our fans have to learn a lot of different kinds of ovals from week to week," said Helton, who also confirmed that the three-week race would consist of either 8,600 laps of Daytona's superspeedway or 43,000 laps of the half-mile "bullring" in Bristol, TN. "We're also blessed with a fanbase who, by and large, could watch the whole thing without having to miss any work or school." The announcement was met with only moderate enthusiasm by motorsports insiders, who pointed to the NHRA's disastrous 2003 attempt to condense its season into a single 36-mile drag race.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close