adBlockCheck

Sports

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
End Of Section
  • More News

NASCAR Drivers May Strike For Even More Down-Home, Aw-Shucks Attitudes

DAYTONA BEACH, FL—In a reaction to what many close to NASCAR see as an "insufficiently cornpone" and "only mildly folksy" corporate culture, drivers are discussing a possible strike during the 2006 Nextel Cup series. "What we got developing here is shifting a little too close to an actual stuck-up city-folk racing series, with major sponsors from above the [Mason-Dixon] Line and rich team owners who made their money somewheres [sic] else than headache powders or oil treatments," said Herschel "Huckleberry" Rosenberg, a lawyer representing drivers' interests. "What we have is pretty good for now, but sometimes ‘good' just isn't good-ol'-boy enough." Other driver grievances, which insiders say may stall the start of the season, include NASCAR's recent emphasis on safety and crash prevention, and a "dangerous" level of acknowledgment of the lack of minority involvement in the sport.

More from this section

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close