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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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NASCAR Drivers May Strike For Even More Down-Home, Aw-Shucks Attitudes

DAYTONA BEACH, FL—In a reaction to what many close to NASCAR see as an "insufficiently cornpone" and "only mildly folksy" corporate culture, drivers are discussing a possible strike during the 2006 Nextel Cup series. "What we got developing here is shifting a little too close to an actual stuck-up city-folk racing series, with major sponsors from above the [Mason-Dixon] Line and rich team owners who made their money somewheres [sic] else than headache powders or oil treatments," said Herschel "Huckleberry" Rosenberg, a lawyer representing drivers' interests. "What we have is pretty good for now, but sometimes ‘good' just isn't good-ol'-boy enough." Other driver grievances, which insiders say may stall the start of the season, include NASCAR's recent emphasis on safety and crash prevention, and a "dangerous" level of acknowledgment of the lack of minority involvement in the sport.

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