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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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NASCAR Fans Realize Richard Petty May Not Be As Open-Minded As He Looks

TORONTO—Numerous NASCAR fans told reporters Tuesday that recent misogynistic statements made by Richard Petty concerning stock car driver Danica Patrick have led them to the realization that the retired racing legend may not in fact be quite as open-minded as he initially appears. “When you look at Richard Petty, you naturally assume he’s a progressive, open-minded individual with a healthy, 21st-century perspective on gender relations, but his comments have really thrown me for a loop,” said NASCAR enthusiast Clinton Bradshaw, emphasizing that Petty’s claims that Patrick is incapable of winning a Sprint Cup Series race and only receives media attention because she’s a woman “just don’t gel” with most people’s automatic perception of the 76-year-old North Carolina native. “I mean, just look at him. The sunglasses. The cowboy hat. You hear that Southern drawl, and you think to yourself, ‘This guy has got to be a champion of equality and civil rights.’ And then he goes and says something that forces you to completely reexamine your assumptions. I don’t even know what to think—I mean, this is Richard Lee Petty we’re talking about, for crying out loud!” Bradshaw, who acknowledged that Petty’s views on Patrick’s racing abilities were shocking, took solace in the fact that they couldn’t possibly be shared by anyone else in the NASCAR world.

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