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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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NASCAR Struggling To Recover From Yet Another Injury-Free Season

LOUDON, NH—As they prepare to begin the Chase for the Cup with the Sylvania 300, top NASCAR executives are worried about the financial impact another season free of horrible injuries could have on the sport. "Every day a car doesn't flip over or a driver isn't set on fire, NASCAR loses money," chief marketing officer Steve Phelps said Monday, adding that the main reason fans say the sport hasn't been the same since Dale Earnhardt, Sr. died in the 2001 Daytona 500 is because no one has been killed or maimed in that time. "Of course, we hate to see anyone get hurt, but then again, we have to put the needs of the fans first." In related developments, NASCAR officials are expected to announce changes to the Car of Tomorrow that include eliminating seat belts, a top speed of 300 miles per hour, and special design features that make you look like a girl if you wear a helmet while driving.

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