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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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NASCAR To Abandon Racing Portion Of Business, Concentrate On Ads

NEW YORK—In a move designed to bring their business closer to its core values, top NASCAR officials announced Monday that from now on, rather than racing to determine a winner, advertising-bedecked cars would slowly circle the track in a noncompetitive marketing parade set to begin with next year's Daytona 500. "Declining revenue made us take a closer look at the sport, and we found that many fans couldn't even see the logos and graphics on cars when all that high-speed racing was taking place," NASCAR president Mike Helton said. "Now that we've eliminated the competitive aspect, we're also free to give our fans what they've been asking for: new advertising on the track, flashier ads applied during pit stops, and a safer, more relaxing marketing environment overall." Fans objecting to the move were encouraged to take advantage of NASCAR's wide array of newly available advertising space to voice their concerns.

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