adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

NASCAR To Discontinue Having Kids Rush Onto Track To Wipe Up Skid Marks During Races

DAYTONA BEACH, FL—In a statement released Thursday, NASCAR announced it would end a longstanding tradition of allowing child volunteers to run out onto the track during races to help wipe up skid marks. "Seeing local kids get the chance to dodge their favorite stock cars while helping to clean the track of excess rubber may seem as much a part of NASCAR as the checkered flag, but unfortunately its time has passed," the statement reads. "We believe the risks now outweigh the rewards for those 10-year-olds who feel the rush of air produced by a stock car flying right by them at 175 mph as they scrub the fabled track surface of Daytona or Talladega." In an accompanying press release, NASCAR confirmed it would erect a plaque near the third turn of the Daytona International Speedway to memorialize the 24 boys and girls killed by a spinning Kevin Harvick last year.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close