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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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NASCAR's Drive For Diversity Program Successfully Hidden From Fans

GREENVILLE, SC—NASCAR continued to sucessfully hide its Drive for Diversity minority-involvement program from fans last week by very quietly congratulating driver Darrell Wallace, Jr. on becoming the first African-American to win a K&N Pro Series East race, an achievement that threatened unwanted publicity for the program. "Congratulations to Darren [sic] on his win in the thankfully obscure Kevin Whitaker Chevrolet 150, and we wish him good luck in his future," said a NASCAR public relations official, who asked not to be named as he struggled to prevent Wallace from taking off his full-face helmet. "On behalf of a, uh, certain stock-car racing organization, the name of which escapes me at the moment, I'd like to present you with this check for $5,000 in exchange for not doing any interviews. Your amazing achievement is proof that the Drive for [unintelligible] program is working, unfortunately." Since the program began in 2004, it's become known to less than 5 percent of fans and has sent exactly zero drivers to the top-tier Sprint Cup Series.

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