adBlockCheck

Sports

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.
End Of Section
  • More News

Nashville Predators Promotion Allows First 500 Fans To Feed Players

NASHVILLE, TN—The first 500 visitors to see the Nashville Predators play hockey in their custom-built reinforced glass enclosure at Bridgestone Arena Saturday will actually be allowed to feed the team, Predators officials announced today. "For a few dollars, children and adults will be given a handful of player feed they can drop over the glass—like this—and watch the Predators eat," said general manager David Poile, tossing food on the ice as hungry players glided by, slapping their sticks and drooling. "Don't try to feed them from your hand, though. They may not have many teeth, but the ones they do have are needle-sharp. Also, don't tap on the glass. They'll fight." Poile further cautioned fans not to give the players food purchased at concession stands, because that food is not good for them and can make them very sick.

More from this section

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close