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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Nashville Sports Reporter Likes To Consider Himself 'One Of The Guys' In Titans Locker Room

NASHVILLE, TN—Recounting Monday's Titans practice to colleagues, Tennessean sports reporter Jim Wyatt referred to multiple players on the team as "my buddy" and on more than one occasion described himself as "one of the guys." "Oh, man, [wide receiver] Kenny [Britt] is so hilarious, you should have heard the stories he was telling me this afternoon," Wyatt said to several coworkers, referencing the eight-minute group interview Britt gave to Wyatt and 14 other members of the press. "I’m pretty sure a lot of the guys hang out at Mystic, so I'm thinking about popping by there after work. They'll flip when they see me show up. Those guys love me." When asked for their opinion of Wyatt, several members of the Titans asked if he was the pasty one in his 30s and said he "seemed fine."

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