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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

The Onion Introduces: The Book Bjorn

Replete with an astonishing assemblage of facts, illustrations, maps, charts, threats, blood and additional fees to edify even the most simple-minded book-buyer, The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge is packed with valuable information--such as the life stage...

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Nashville Sports Reporter Likes To Consider Himself 'One Of The Guys' In Titans Locker Room

NASHVILLE, TN—Recounting Monday's Titans practice to colleagues, Tennessean sports reporter Jim Wyatt referred to multiple players on the team as "my buddy" and on more than one occasion described himself as "one of the guys." "Oh, man, [wide receiver] Kenny [Britt] is so hilarious, you should have heard the stories he was telling me this afternoon," Wyatt said to several coworkers, referencing the eight-minute group interview Britt gave to Wyatt and 14 other members of the press. "I’m pretty sure a lot of the guys hang out at Mystic, so I'm thinking about popping by there after work. They'll flip when they see me show up. Those guys love me." When asked for their opinion of Wyatt, several members of the Titans asked if he was the pasty one in his 30s and said he "seemed fine."

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