adBlockCheck

Local

Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Natalee Holloway Makes New Year's Resolution To Become Famous

BIRMINGHAM, AL—At a quiet New Year's Eve party with friends, Mountain Brook High School senior Natalee Holloway made a resolution to be famous before the end of the calendar year. "I may just be an 18-year-old with my whole life ahead of me, but mark my words, I'm going to capture the public's attention in a big way," Holloway said. "I don't need to be rich, powerful, smart, or important—I just want to be famous. And I would like to use my fame to help others become famous—people like Nancy Grace, who is sadly underutilized on her sole program, Court TV's Closing Arguments." Holloway's mother Beth Twitty immediately joined in with a resolution of her own to tirelessly bolster her daughter's fame "on every news magazine show" if she has to.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close