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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Natalee Holloway Makes New Year's Resolution To Become Famous

BIRMINGHAM, AL—At a quiet New Year's Eve party with friends, Mountain Brook High School senior Natalee Holloway made a resolution to be famous before the end of the calendar year. "I may just be an 18-year-old with my whole life ahead of me, but mark my words, I'm going to capture the public's attention in a big way," Holloway said. "I don't need to be rich, powerful, smart, or important—I just want to be famous. And I would like to use my fame to help others become famous—people like Nancy Grace, who is sadly underutilized on her sole program, Court TV's Closing Arguments." Holloway's mother Beth Twitty immediately joined in with a resolution of her own to tirelessly bolster her daughter's fame "on every news magazine show" if she has to.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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