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Nobel Committee Awards Self Peace Prize For Once

‘Sometimes You Just Need To Treat Yourself,’ Sources Say

OSLO, NORWAY—Saying there was nothing wrong with treating yourself for a change, the Norwegian Nobel Committee announced Friday that it was awarding the 2017 Nobel Peace Prize to itself for once.

The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.
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Natalee Holloway, Osama Bin Laden Celebrate 5-Year Wedding Anniversary

LAS VEGAS—Saying they couldn't believe it had been five years since their Niagara Falls honeymoon, Natalee Holloway and Osama bin Laden announced this week that they would be spending their anniversary relaxing in a suite at the Wynn Las Vegas casino hotel. "We're just as happy now as we were on our wedding day," read a Facebook post by the pair, who said the past five years have been "quite a ride" and thanked all the "wonderful people" they've met along the way. "It was love at first sight, and we haven't looked back since the moment we laid eyes on each other." The Holloway–bin Ladens are reportedly already gearing up for their next big trip, an RV tour of America's great ballparks, in the spring.

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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

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