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Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.
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Nate Silver Warns Against Overestimating His Value To ESPN

NEW YORK—After officially announcing his move from The New York Times to ESPN, prominent statistician and blogger Nate Silver reportedly urged Americans Monday to avoid overestimating his overall worth to the sports network. “According to recent web-traffic figures, my popularity peaked from 2010 to 2012 as a function of the presidential election, but given the tendency of such linear regression models to heavily fluctuate, it serves as a poor signifier of any actual, real-dollar value to ESPN,” said Silver, adding that according to data projections, his FiveThirtyEight blog has only a 7.4 percent chance of generating considerable interest on the ESPN home page. “The approximations of my future drawing power in fact resemble more of a random walk—in layman’s terms, a random model that cannot accurately predict future outcomes. There is strong statistical evidence to suggest that ESPN could have operated more efficiently by offering me a far smaller contract.” Silver also noted that, considering recent statistical trends within the television industry, there is an overwhelming likelihood that Keith Olbermann’s new weeknight talk show on ESPN will be fucking awful.

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