adBlockCheck

Recent News

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
End Of Section
  • More News

Nation Admits It Always A Little Bored By Whole Jimmy Hoffa Thing

‘Why Is This Fascinating Again?’ Populace Asks

DETROIT—Following reports today that a new tip has prompted a renewed FBI search for the body of Jimmy Hoffa, the U.S. populace admitted they are, and have pretty much always been, a little bored whenever the whole thing with the former Teamsters president comes up. “I’m sorry, why are we supposed to care about this, again?” asked St. Paul, MN resident Richard Lott, 36, echoing the thoughts of millions of Americans who say they have “no discernible interest” in the nearly 40-year-old case of the missing labor union leader and assume anyone who did have any interest in the subject “died a long time ago.” “Every couple of years they’re checking out a different parking lot for this guy’s body—I don’t get it. It doesn’t seem like a big, fascinating mystery to me. So someone did a great job hiding a body. Good for them.” The U.S. populace admitted it was still more than willing to hear any news whatsoever about the Zodiac Killer.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close