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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
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Nation Admits There Could Be A Little Less Porn

WASHINGTON—Citizens across the country reportedly came to a collective agreement Wednesday that as a society they could probably make do with a bit less porn. “If we’re really being honest with ourselves, I think we have to acknowledge that we’d still be okay if there was maybe a fraction or so less pornography than there currently is,” said Cleveland resident Eric Shepard, 32, noting that the nation now has more porn at its disposal—including amateur porn, barely legal porn, bondage-BDSM porn, bukkake porn, clothed-male-naked-female porn, fisting porn, felching porn, enema porn, and vintage porn—than it could possibly view.  “Now, we’re definitely not asking anyone to take it all away. We love this stuff, after all. We’re just saying we could stand to dial back what we currently have by maybe 3 or 4 percent.” Citizens later added that should the day ever come when the amount of porn needs to be increased, they would like to see additions made to the present inventory of biracial pregnant face-sitting porn.

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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

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