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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Nation Admits There Could Be A Little Less Porn

WASHINGTON—Citizens across the country reportedly came to a collective agreement Wednesday that as a society they could probably make do with a bit less porn. “If we’re really being honest with ourselves, I think we have to acknowledge that we’d still be okay if there was maybe a fraction or so less pornography than there currently is,” said Cleveland resident Eric Shepard, 32, noting that the nation now has more porn at its disposal—including amateur porn, barely legal porn, bondage-BDSM porn, bukkake porn, clothed-male-naked-female porn, fisting porn, felching porn, enema porn, and vintage porn—than it could possibly view.  “Now, we’re definitely not asking anyone to take it all away. We love this stuff, after all. We’re just saying we could stand to dial back what we currently have by maybe 3 or 4 percent.” Citizens later added that should the day ever come when the amount of porn needs to be increased, they would like to see additions made to the present inventory of biracial pregnant face-sitting porn.

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