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Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Nation Allows Itself 5 Minutes To Believe This All Going To Be Over Soon

WASHINGTON—Indulging in a brief but blissful pause to imagine that normalcy would soon be returning, the nation on Wednesday allowed itself five precious minutes to believe that all of this would soon be over. “This Russia and Comey stuff is the tipping point—all this madness is going to be behind us in no time, and we can go about our lives like we used to,” said Tampa, FL resident Kelly Hinshaw, one of the 321 million Americans who granted themselves just a few moments to hold the opinion that it wouldn’t be long until everything was okay once more, in fact probably just a week or two. “I haven’t focused as much on work and my friends because I’ve been so wrapped up in awful political news. But I’m glad we’re turning the page on that stuff and that I’m going to be able to focus on other priorities again. I’m just so glad we made it through.” At press time, the populace of the United States could not fucking believe the notification that just showed up on their phones.

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Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

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