adBlockCheck

Nation Awaits Word On Today's Slam Dunks

Top Headlines

Sports

Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Nation Awaits Word On Today's Slam Dunks

BRISTOL, CT–As of press time, an anxious nation continues to wait for word on today's NBA slam dunks. "The moment we have any information on any dunks, we will pass it along to the American people," said Dan Patrick, speaking from ESPN's Bristol headquarters. "We do know that the Mavs and Hornets tip off at 3 p.m. EST, so hopefully sometime shortly after that, we'll know more." Patrick urged citizens to stay close to their televisions for the latest developments.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close