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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Nation Can’t Wait To Hear Patriots Fans’ Excuses This Time

WASHINGTON—After an NFL investigation revealed that 11 of New England’s 12 game balls were under-inflated during last weekend’s AFC Championship Game, Americans across the nation announced Wednesday that they would love—absolutely love—to hear the excuses from Patriots fans this time. “No, no, by all means, go ahead,” said every single person living outside of Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, Maine, Rhode Island, and Connecticut before reportedly smiling and adding, “I’m all ears.” “Wait, let me guess: The deflated footballs were also easier to catch for the Colts defense, so the Patriots didn’t have a real advantage, right? Or is it that the score was so lopsided that it didn’t matter in the end? No, seriously, I’m sure you guys have something really great cooked up for this one.” The American populace went on to say that they also absolutely cannot wait to hear how this new scandal will have no effect on the legacy of Tom Brady.

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