adBlockCheck

Nation Checks Out CNN.com To See What Their Old Pals The Tsarnaevs And Castros Are Up To

Top Headlines

Recent News

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Obesity: Myth Vs. Fact

With as many as one in three people in the U.S. qualifying as obese, misconceptions are often formed about what it means to be significantly overweight. The Onion separates obesity myths from facts

A Primer On North Korea

The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea remains largely unknown to Americans due mainly to the secrecy and isolationism upheld by its government. The Onion provides a primer on North Korea’s people and culture
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Nation Checks Out CNN.com To See What Their Old Pals The Tsarnaevs And Castros Are Up To

WASHINGTON—Americans nationwide turned to the news website CNN.com today to see what was kicking with their old buddies Dzhokhar and Tamerlan Tsarnaev and alleged rapist and kidnapper Ariel Castro and his brothers. “Okay, time to check up on my little pals the Tsaernevs and Castros, find out what’s new with those kooks,” said Denver resident Danielle Lebow, 43, as she typed “CNN.com” into a web browser and pressed enter. “Who knows, maybe I’ll pop by a story on James Holmes, too, see that how that guy’s doing these days. Gotta know how all of my little friends are holding up.” At press time, citizens had reportedly migrated to HuffingtonPost.com to look in on their friend Benghazi to see what “the big guy” was up to.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close