Nation Checks Out CNN.com To See What Their Old Pals The Tsarnaevs And Castros Are Up To

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Vol 49 Issue 20

Everyone Forgets To Bring Swimsuits To Coworker’s Party

ARLINGTON, TX—While gathered for a party at a coworker’s backyard pool Saturday, out-of-shape colleagues at Shuster, Layne & Associates were struck by the coincidence that they had somehow each forgotten to bring bathing apparel to the fes...

Obama's Second Term Mired In Scandal

President Obama’s second term is off to a rocky start, with the acting IRS chief stepping down, the Justice Department seizing journalists’ phone records, and Republicans continuing to allege a high-level cover-up of the Benghazi attack last S...

Obama Fondly Recalls Frustration Of First Term

WASHINGTON—Saying that those were definitely some good times, a reflective President Obama told reporters Friday that the current scandals plaguing his administration have made him long for the deeply frustrating, often maddening political climate o...

Nation Supposes It's Outraged By White House Scandals

WASHINGTON—Reacting to the number of major scandals currently plaguing the White House, a somewhat confused American populace told reporters Friday that yeah, sure, they’re totally outraged or whatever about what’s currently going on in ...

Every Glass In Grandmother’s Cupboard Visibly Filthy

Sasha Obama becomes suspicious after doing a little digging around on Benghazi, this has to be the year a local miniature golf course goes out of business, and a dude with a knit hat at a party calls beer 'libations.' It's the week of May 17, 2013
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Nation Checks Out CNN.com To See What Their Old Pals The Tsarnaevs And Castros Are Up To

WASHINGTON—Americans nationwide turned to the news website CNN.com today to see what was kicking with their old buddies Dzhokhar and Tamerlan Tsarnaev and alleged rapist and kidnapper Ariel Castro and his brothers. “Okay, time to check up on my little pals the Tsaernevs and Castros, find out what’s new with those kooks,” said Denver resident Danielle Lebow, 43, as she typed “CNN.com” into a web browser and pressed enter. “Who knows, maybe I’ll pop by a story on James Holmes, too, see that how that guy’s doing these days. Gotta know how all of my little friends are holding up.” At press time, citizens had reportedly migrated to HuffingtonPost.com to look in on their friend Benghazi to see what “the big guy” was up to.

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