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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Nation Collectively Acts Like It Was Rooting For Phil Mickelson All Along

NEW YORK—The entire U.S. populace pretended it had not been rooting for Tiger Woods to come back from a bizarre sex scandal to win the 2010 Masters Sunday, claiming instead it was pulling for Phil Mickelson the entire tournament. "Anyone who wasn't cheering for Phil after the year he's been through with his wife's breast cancer diagnosis needs to seriously reexamine his values," said Boston resident Will Foreman, who secretly winced along with the majority of the nation when Woods bogeyed the par-4 14th hole during his final round. "I bet there are some sickos out there who actually wanted Woods to win because they thought it would be…well, pretty goddamn amazing, actually. Like no other triumph in the history of sports—an unforgettable moment. Not me, though: Phil and his wife embracing on the 18th is what I tuned in on Sunday to watch. Yup." According to CBS, a majority of citizens turned their televisions off after Woods' post-tournament interview, 15 minutes before Mickelson hit his final tee shot.

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