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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Nation Currently More Sympathetic To Demise Of Planet Krypton Than Plight Of Syria

WASHINGTON—According to a national poll conducted by the Pew Research Center Monday, the vast majority of Americans are currently more concerned about the demise of Planet Krypton, the native world of the comic book character Superman recently depicted in the film Man Of Steel, than the devastation currently taking place in the Middle Eastern nation of Syria. “What happened to that place, the tragic loss of life, the horrific images we’ve seen—it’s simply too sad to even think about,” respondent Kathy Ames said in reference to the fictional extraterrestrial world. “To think that entire families were just wiped out in an instant because of a nuclear chain reaction caused by the planet’s unstable core. I just really feel for the people of Krypton.” When asked how she feels about Syria, Ames, along with numerous Americans polled, said, “I don’t know, bad, I guess?”

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