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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Nation Did Not See Mark Wahlberg's Sex Change Coming

LOS ANGELES—Following the first public appearance of the actress formerly known as Mark Wahlberg at a Hollywood fundraiser last night, the American people acknowledged the Departed and Fighter star’s sex-reassignment surgery was something they had not seen coming. “Huh,” said Illinois schoolteacher Thomas Granger, 37, reading about the star making her red-carpet debut as Martha Wahlberg. “I guess Mark Wahlberg’s a woman now. He always seemed like more of a masculine guy. But good for him. I mean, her. It’s just that, you know, the last time I saw him on TV, he was doing some promo work for that Ted movie, and he didn’t mention anything about this.” Sources throughout the nation agreed that Wahlberg, despite the gender-change procedure, is still a looker.

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