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Nation Disappointed By Great World Series Matchup

NEW YORK—Citing the disappointing prospect of high-level pitching duels, clutch hitting, and great defense, the American baseball-watching populace this week registered its overwhelming disapproval of 2010's excellent World Series matchup between the Texas Rangers and the San Francisco Giants.

According to baseball fans, the last thing they ever wanted was a season culminating in two terrific, deserving teams playing top-notch baseball.

"I don't want to watch a World Series between two teams that are so good—no, great—that they beat the New York Yankees and Philadelphia Phillies," Richmond, VA resident Tom Hallorin, 36, told reporters, echoing millions of his fellow citizens. "I want to relish a losing performance from a team that I absolutely hate or, failing that, endure a championship win from a team that I hate in order to justify being even angrier at their organization, their players, and their fans."

"That's why I watch baseball and that's why I watch sports," Hallorin added. "To me, two evenly matched, extraordinarily talented teams participating in what could be one of the most thrilling World Series in a long time sounds like a total waste of time."

According to fans, several factors have combined to make this year's potentially unforgettable Fall Classic a "real bummer." These include the unprecedented energy and passion the Rangers and Giants bring to the diamond; the exceptional management of both organizations; the fact that none of the players on their respective rosters is CC Sabathia, Derek Jeter, or Ryan Howard, or wears a New York Yankees or Philadelphia Phillies uniform; and the way the cohesive play, healthy organizational culture, and team-oriented style of baseball of the two contenders makes them deserving representatives of the American and National Leagues.

In addition, the nation confirmed it would be even more dissatisfied if this potentially spectacular World Series lives up to its promise, goes seven games, and ends on a Josh Hamilton home run.

"The Tim Lincecum versus Cliff Lee thing could be really riveting to watch, and I suppose seeing the managers use gritty, methodical small ball to manufacture runs could be entertaining if you like that sort of thing," 27-year-old Los Angeles resident Mike Lester said. "But I don't want well-played World Series baseball that keeps me on the edge of my seat the entire time. I want the teams I expected, and the players I expected playing bitterly to the outcome I expected."

"I'd rather watch the Cubs play the White Sox," Aaron Morrison, 32, said. "Because I need a stupid thing like both teams being from Chicago to get me interested. At least that World Series matchup would have a really good gimmick, and not have to rely on anything as lame as respectable athletes playing really great baseball."

According to a New York Times/CBS poll, 54 percent of the country called the potency of the Rangers lineup and its hitters' ability to change the complexion of a game with one swing "a total killjoy," 42 percent said they would rather watch the Boston Red Sox beat up on a small market team than watch Cliff Lee continue his Koufax-like postseason run, and 84 percent said the only way they would watch a single game of what is sure to be the most exciting baseball of the year would be if 79-year-old Willie Mays suited up to start in center field.

When asked how they felt about the depth and complexity of both teams' bullpens adding another fascinating element to the World Series, a majority of those polled were silent for approximately seven seconds before hanging up the phone.

"The worst thing about this World Series is that with the outstanding ability of the Giants and Rangers to hit, run, and field, and with no real asshole to root against, it just feels like a celebration of baseball," Paul Rockwell of Uniontown, PA told reporters. "And that sucks. Do you know why that sucks? Because I'm a horrible, shallow person, and while I like to think of myself as a fan, I only get off on storylines and personalities completely unrelated to the game itself."

"That's why I kind of wish Barry Bonds were still playing," he added. "Everyone would watch that."


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