Nation Disturbed By Photos Of Bud Selig In ESPN’s Body Issue

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Vol 49 Issue 29

Royal Baby Born

LONDON—After months of anticipation, representatives for the Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton confirmed today that the royal baby has finally made its way into the world.

Martha Sarahns

Martha Sarahns, 78, passed away Saturday night surrounded by her closest friends, family, and this random dude who looked completely lost.

Not-That-Important Employee Snatches Best Donut In Box

FORT WAYNE, IN—Employees at Sapphire Business Solutions expressed their collective outrage Friday at the brazen conduct of sales associate Isaac Schuler, a largely unimportant staffer who’s only been with the company for maybe a month and who ...

Detroit Files For Bankruptcy

Detroit became the largest municipality in U.S. history to seek bankruptcy protection yesterday, which will likely force the city to slash government employment, sell assets, and further pare back municipal services.
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Nation Disturbed By Photos Of Bud Selig In ESPN’s Body Issue

WASHINGTON—Calling the pictorial “disgusting” and “very unsettling,” millions of Americans were reportedly deeply disturbed by the semi-nude photos of 78-year-old Major League Baseball commissioner Bud Selig in ESPN The Magazine’s annual Body Issue last week, sources confirmed Friday. “Getting a glimpse at the incredible physiques of athletes like Colin Kaepernick, Kerri Walsh Jennings, and Sydney Leroux was really cool, but turning the page to see Bud Selig standing there buck naked and shielding his genitals with his left hand was, I have to say, a bit much,” San Diego resident Jason Dawson, 31, said of the three-page spread, which contained strategically shot pictures of a naked Selig from multiple angles covering himself only with an MLB baseball cap and a catcher’s mitt. “To be honest, it pretty much ruined the entire issue for me.” While undoubtedly put off by the images of Selig, many Americans admitted to reporters that the feature was far easier to stomach than last year’s controversial double-page spread of completely nude Detroit Tigers manager Jim Leyland lying in the spread-eagle position at home plate.

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