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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Nation Excited For Opportunity To Watch Harbaugh Lose Super Bowl

WASHINGTON—Football fans across the nation were reportedly exhilarated this week, claiming that they were thrilled for the much-anticipated opportunity to finally see a Harbaugh lose a Super Bowl. “I’m so pumped up! I can’t wait to savor every moment of a Harbaugh losing an NFL Championship,” said Kansas City resident Eric Rasmussen, adding that he’s praying for Super Bowl XLVII to be an embarrassing blowout. “It’s going to be awesome watching that special moment when a Harbaugh dejectedly walks off the field instead of hoisting up the Lombardi Trophy.” While the country’s football fans admitted seeing a Harbaugh lose the AFC Championship and NFC Championship last year was something “very special,” most confirmed that “this will be way better.”

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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