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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Nation Excited For Opportunity To Watch Harbaugh Lose Super Bowl

WASHINGTON—Football fans across the nation were reportedly exhilarated this week, claiming that they were thrilled for the much-anticipated opportunity to finally see a Harbaugh lose a Super Bowl. “I’m so pumped up! I can’t wait to savor every moment of a Harbaugh losing an NFL Championship,” said Kansas City resident Eric Rasmussen, adding that he’s praying for Super Bowl XLVII to be an embarrassing blowout. “It’s going to be awesome watching that special moment when a Harbaugh dejectedly walks off the field instead of hoisting up the Lombardi Trophy.” While the country’s football fans admitted seeing a Harbaugh lose the AFC Championship and NFC Championship last year was something “very special,” most confirmed that “this will be way better.”

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