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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Nation Feels Fucking Awful For Woman Who Sits Between Skip Bayless, Stephen A. Smith

BRISTOL, CT—Expressing their deepest most heartfelt sympathy, the American public announced Thursday that they feel really fucking terrible for the poor woman who sits between Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith on the ESPN program First Take. “What could she have possibly done to deserve something so fucking horrible?” said despondent ESPN viewer Mark Humphrey, adding that enduring the arguments of Bayless and Smith was nothing short of cruel and inhumane punishment. “That poor, poor woman. Why are they making her do this? I can’t imagine being in that appalling position. Those two are just repulsive monsters.” At press time, Bayless and Smith were screaming about whether Tim Tebow would fit into the Patriots offense along with Tom Brady while the woman was silently cutting herself.

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