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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Nation Gears Up For Start Of College Basketball Season

WASHINGTON—Having waited 11 months since the conclusion of last year’s thrilling four-week campaign, millions of Americans are gearing up for the start of college basketball season on Mar. 18, sources confirmed Monday. “I love college basketball, so it’s just great knowing that it’s almost back,” said 28-year-old Collin Shuster of Skokie, IL, echoing the thoughts of fans across the country who spent the winter excitedly reading various preseason rankings and team previews. “Obviously it’d be great if the season weren’t so short, and it sucks that once a team loses a single game their whole year is over, but I suppose that’s part of the reason college basketball is so exciting. I can’t wait for the first game.” Many Americans confirmed, however, that they only start closely paying attention halfway through the season, when only 16 teams remain in the field.

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