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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

CINCINNATI—Calling it the perfect choice for consumers looking to add some tartness to their laundry, Procter and Gamble on Tuesday unveiled a new sour apple Tide detergent pod.

The iPhone Turns 10

A decade ago today, Apple released the iPhone and revolutionized the way humans use technology. Here’s a look back at the evolution of the iPhone:

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.
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Nation Happily Reassured That ExxonMobil Made Profits Of $44.9 Billion In 2012

'Thank God!' Relieved Citizens Report

HOUSTON—According to reports from across the nation, all 315 million residents of the United States exhaled in relief and expressed a contented sense of reassurance Friday on news that the ExxonMobil Corporation had recorded nearly $45 billion in profits last year. “Oh, thank God!” said visibly relieved part-time drug store cashier Helen Gregory of Youngstown, OH, who called the oil and gas multinational’s total revenues of $483 billion “deeply comforting” and “a true blessing,” echoing the sentiments of every other American from coast to coast. “I can’t tell you how good it is to know that the world’s largest corporation is still unimaginably profitable. Now I can finally get some sleep and stop worrying.” In spite of ExxonMobil’s positive earnings report, every single person nationwide confided a slight sense of disappointment that the company’s annual profits were only the second-highest in corporate history.

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Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

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