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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Nation Hoping For A Windy Flag Day

WASHINGTON, DC—With June 14 just a week away, citizens nationwide are hoping that brisk, windy weather is in store for this Flag Day.

"A Flag Day without wind is like a Columbus Day with mail delivery: It just doesn't feel right," said Coast Guard Rear Adm. Roger Jessup, who is serving as this year's Flag Day grand marshal. "I long for the Flag Days of my youth, when the winds were always strong and steady. Seems like in the past few years there's barely been a breeze and Old Glory just droops. Except for Flag Day '02, when it was so blustery the flag whipped right around the flagpole."

Jessup, whose duties include answering Flag Day mail from the nation's children, added that if everyone tried as hard as they could to be good this week, "perhaps Starry Stripes, the Flag Day Fairy, will blow some nice breezy air our way."

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