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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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Nation Hoping For A Windy Flag Day

WASHINGTON, DC—With June 14 just a week away, citizens nationwide are hoping that brisk, windy weather is in store for this Flag Day.

"A Flag Day without wind is like a Columbus Day with mail delivery: It just doesn't feel right," said Coast Guard Rear Adm. Roger Jessup, who is serving as this year's Flag Day grand marshal. "I long for the Flag Days of my youth, when the winds were always strong and steady. Seems like in the past few years there's barely been a breeze and Old Glory just droops. Except for Flag Day '02, when it was so blustery the flag whipped right around the flagpole."

Jessup, whose duties include answering Flag Day mail from the nation's children, added that if everyone tried as hard as they could to be good this week, "perhaps Starry Stripes, the Flag Day Fairy, will blow some nice breezy air our way."

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