adBlockCheck

Nation Hoping For A Windy Flag Day

Top Headlines

Recent News

End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Nation Hoping For A Windy Flag Day

WASHINGTON, DC—With June 14 just a week away, citizens nationwide are hoping that brisk, windy weather is in store for this Flag Day.

"A Flag Day without wind is like a Columbus Day with mail delivery: It just doesn't feel right," said Coast Guard Rear Adm. Roger Jessup, who is serving as this year's Flag Day grand marshal. "I long for the Flag Days of my youth, when the winds were always strong and steady. Seems like in the past few years there's barely been a breeze and Old Glory just droops. Except for Flag Day '02, when it was so blustery the flag whipped right around the flagpole."

Jessup, whose duties include answering Flag Day mail from the nation's children, added that if everyone tried as hard as they could to be good this week, "perhaps Starry Stripes, the Flag Day Fairy, will blow some nice breezy air our way."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close