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Scientists Discover 99% Of NFL Players’ Brains Slimy

SEATTLE—In a major advancement of the ongoing effort to better understand the specific neurobiology of these athletes, a new study released Wednesday by scientists at the University Of Washington revealed that 99 percent of NFL players’ brains are slimy.
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Nation Mesmerized By Spurs' Dazzling Pass-Screen-Pass-Shoot Brand Of Offense

SAN ANTONIO—In arenas, sports bars, and homes throughout the country, the San Antonio Spurs' dominating run through the playoffs has transfixed the nation with the breathtaking spectacle of their pass-screen-pass-shoot offense. "There they go, passing, doing a screen, passing again, and shooting the ball!" said South Dakota resident Roger Siler as he reviewed Spurs highlights on his computer. "Sometimes you think they won't pass it that second time, but then they do. They almost always do! And then they shoot the ball, scoring points. Wow." Perhaps even more thrilling is the fact that before viewers can get a chance to catch their breath, Americans say, the Spurs then get back on defense.

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