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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Nation Mesmerized By Spurs' Dazzling Pass-Screen-Pass-Shoot Brand Of Offense

SAN ANTONIO—In arenas, sports bars, and homes throughout the country, the San Antonio Spurs' dominating run through the playoffs has transfixed the nation with the breathtaking spectacle of their pass-screen-pass-shoot offense. "There they go, passing, doing a screen, passing again, and shooting the ball!" said South Dakota resident Roger Siler as he reviewed Spurs highlights on his computer. "Sometimes you think they won't pass it that second time, but then they do. They almost always do! And then they shoot the ball, scoring points. Wow." Perhaps even more thrilling is the fact that before viewers can get a chance to catch their breath, Americans say, the Spurs then get back on defense.

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