adBlockCheck

Nation Outraged By CSU Student-Council Decision

Top Headlines

Recent News

How Obamacare Can Be Improved

With Aetna just the latest health insurance provider to opt out of covering Obamacare markets, many are wondering what changes can make the Affordable Care Act more appealing to customers and insurance companies. Here are some proposed improvements

NASA Discovers Distant Planet Located Outside Funding Capabilities

WASHINGTON—Noting that the celestial body lies within the habitable zone of its parent star and could potentially harbor liquid water, NASA officials announced at a press conference Thursday they have discovered an Earth-like planet located outside their funding capabilities.

A Primer On Everyday Sexism

Though opportunities for women have increased considerably over the past century, insidious everyday sexism continues to inform the female experience. Here are some commonly asked questions about this pervasive form of discrimination

Diehard Trump Voters Confirm Rest Of Nation Should Stop Wasting Time Trying To Reach Them

‘If Anything Could Change Our Minds, It Would’ve Happened By Now,’ Say Candidate’s Supporters

WASHINGTON—Saying it should be very clear by now that absolutely nothing can change their position on the matter, steadfast supporters of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told the rest of the nation Wednesday that it really shouldn’t bother trying to persuade them not to vote for him.

Mom Learns About New Vegetable

MERRILVILLE, IN—Excitedly sharing the news with her husband and two teenage children, local mother Karen Tyson, 49, learned about a new vegetable Wednesday, sources confirmed.

Tim Kaine Found Riding Conveyor Belt During Factory Campaign Stop

AIKEN, SC—Noting that he disappeared for over an hour during a campaign stop meet-and-greet with workers at a Bridgestone tire manufacturing plant, sources confirmed Tuesday that Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine was finally discovered riding on one of the factory’s conveyor belts.

Why Don’t People Like Hillary Clinton?

Although she’s secured the Democratic presidential nomination, many voters across all demographics are still hesitant to vote for Hillary Clinton. The Onion breaks down the reasons Clinton is having a hard time luring reluctant voters.

Cover Letter Specifically Tailored To Company Even Sadder Than Generic Ones

BEDMINSTER, NJ—Wincing noticeably as they read the applicant’s claim that he has “always wanted to work for the leading midsize pharmaceutical advertising and brand strategy group in the tri-state area,” sources at Percepta Healthcare Communications confirmed Tuesday that a cover letter specifically tailored to their company was much sadder than any of the generic ones they had received for a recently posted job opening.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Nation Outraged By CSU Student-Council Decision

FORT COLLINS, CO—Across the U.S., citizens are expressing outrage over the Colorado State University student council's decision to slash the Campus Multicultural Center's per-semester funding from $850 to $400.

Members of the Campus Multicultural Center, whose loss of funding at the hands of the CSU student council has outraged millions of Americans.

"CMC organizers worked tirelessly for two whole semesters to get that center up and running," said 47-year-old Pensacola, FL, dentist Joseph Kellner, taping "Stay Centered... Save The CMC!" flyers to telephone poles and light posts in his neighborhood. "But now the student council is pulling the rug out from under their feet just as they're getting going."

Kellner is just one of millions of Americans taking an interest in this campus controversy, which has gripped the nation since Oct. 28, when The Colorado State Herald printed a column calling the campus council "racist, homophobic, misogynist and Eurocentric."

"[CMC co-directors] Dinesh [Ghouri] and Sarah [Freeman] went to a ton of student-council meetings," New York City mayor Rudolph Giuliani said. "And nothing was ever said about cutting the center's budget until the very last minute. That was obviously intentional."

Located on the third floor of the Weiler Library, the CMC office features books by writers of color, a campus-events announcement board, and a video lending library featuring such titles as What's Your Worldview? and Together As One. In addition, according to a sign on the door, the center provides a crucial "safe space" for ethnic minorities, women and members of the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community.

Though the CMC is visited only by an average of 10 students per week, its supporters insist that the number of visitors will grow if the CMC has the funding necessary to expand its resources.

"How's the center ever supposed to serve a varied population of students if it can't get money for new books and posters and stuff?" asked U.S. Secretary of Defense William Cohen. "The CSU football team would never have to go without equipment. That just shows you how messed-up that school's priorities are."

"Colorado State needs to allow for other voices," Cohen added. "Despite what you might have learned, history wasn't made only by rich white men."

Despite such strong support for the CMC, some U.S. political leaders are siding with the council.

Said Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott: "The student council is trying very hard to serve the entire student body and spend its limited budget on what is best for the greatest number of students. For example, they're planning on having Ben Folds Five play a free show in the spring."

"Anyway," Lott added, "the council is letting the CMC keep that meeting space in the library. The Free East Timor group doesn't even have that."

Still, others suspect that the real reason for the drastic reduction of CMC funding has not even been acknowledged.

"I believe this has to do with the fact that student-council president Brett Lund, a former supporter of the center, recently broke up with Sarah's roommate Lisa," said Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. "If this is Brett's way of getting back at her, that's a really shitty move on his part."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close