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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Nation Refuses To Get To Know Hedo Turkoglu

CLEVELAND—Despite the TNT network's best efforts to acquaint its audience with the major players of the Magic-Cavaliers playoff series, the population of the United States has emphatically declined the opportunity to get to know Orlando's Hedo Turkoglu. "When I see one of those pre-produced packages about how he's from Serbia or wherever, I immediately mute my TV or change the channel," Atlanta resident Kevin Hazan said concerning the Turkish small forward. Added Portland, OR basketball fan Russel Carreras, "That little video of him listing all his favorite foods and making goofy faces just didn't grab me. I don't really care if he's a family man who helps out in the Orlando community. Actually, I don't care if he saves a thousand children from a burning fire. I just don't care to welcome Hedo Turkoglu into my home." In contrast to the nation's utter indifference toward Turkoglu, a TNT poll indicated that if given the choice, most viewers would still prefer to smack J.J. Redick right in the face.

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