Nation Secretly Hoping 9/11 Becomes A Day Off Soon

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Vol 46 Issue 26

Psychopaths Behave Like Stroke Victims

A University of Wisconsin study found that when prisoners exhibiting psychopathic tendencies played decision-making games, they used the same strategies as people who had suffered strokes or brain tumors.

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Nation Secretly Hoping 9/11 Becomes A Day Off Soon

WASHINGTON—After spending another anniversary of the 2001 terrorist attacks at work, many across the country have begun to secretly hope that the date will soon become a federally mandated day off. "We'll have it off in 25 years anyway, so why not just start now?" said a Des Moines–area citizen who wished to remain anonymous. "The people who tragically lost their lives on 9/11 deserve a day of remembrance. Also, I could really use some extra time to clean out my gutters." A small minority of Americans continue to hold out hope that the anniversary of the 2000 bombing of the USS Cole, in which 17 American sailors died, will someday result in a national half-day off.

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