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Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.

How To Combat Harassment Online

Online harassment is an increasingly contentious issue, with social media sites like Twitter and Reddit pressured to crack down on users’ abusive behavior. Here are The Onion’s tips for combating harassment online:

Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

A Timeline Of Trump’s Relationship With The Press

President-elect Donald Trump routinely insists that he is treated unfairly by the press, while many in the news industry have openly expressed how difficult it can be to report on him in today’s chaotic media environment. Here is a timeline of the major events that have shaped this relationship.
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Nation Shudders To Think How Mad NRA Would Be If Obama Actually Proposed Meaningful Gun Control

WASHINGTON—Citing the group’s outrage over recent executive orders aimed at reducing gun violence, Americans across the nation collectively shuddered Wednesday at the mere thought of the National Rifle Association’s furious reaction were President Obama to actually propose concrete and meaningful gun control legislation. “Given how upset and defensive they got about some watered-down measures that will never receive funding anyway, I hate to think how the NRA would react if something was put on the table that could actually, you know, regulate the sale and use of guns in the United States,” said 44-year-old Ohio resident Bill Glaser, echoing the thoughts of millions of Americans who confirmed that they don’t even want to consider the kind of over-the-top, inflammatory rhetoric the lobbying group would be using right now if the president had introduced definitive plans to stop guns from getting into the hands of criminals or Americans suffering from mental health issues. “I mean, just look at their veiled threats against Obama and other government officials over the idea to just marginally expand background checks—can you even imagine the things they’d be doing if Obama had just announced a nationwide assault weapons ban? Just the prospect of that is completely terrifying.” Americans were reportedly somewhat comforted, however, by the realization that the odds of such a scenario ever occurring are virtually nonexistent.

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