Nation Still Reeling From Mega-Success Of 'Mr. Popper's Penguins'

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Vol 48 Issue 31

Spelling Bees

Game Show 8:00 p.m. EDT/7:00 p.m. CDT The popular Japanese game show makes its U.S. debut as contestants compete to spell wordswhile trapped in a chamber full of angry yellow jackets.

Breathtaking Easter Island

The island’s ancient, solemn carved stone faces, known as moai, are regarded by natives as deifications of long-dead ancestors and clan chieftains.

The World's Leakiest Faucets

Discovery 10:00 p.m. EDT/9:00 p.m. CDT There's a Delta kitchen faucet in Cincinnati that’s leaking so bad it’s seriously going drip, drip,drip, drip—that fast.

Sears Extremists Fly Plane Into Willis Tower

The nation’s poorest individuals are at least grateful they aren’t part of the nation’s long-suffering middle class, pictures of a smiling group of people are taken where John Lennon was murdered, and the highlight of an Alzheimer patien...

Unemployment Rate Up

Despite the addition of 163,000 jobs in July, the U.S. unemployment rate rose slightly to 8.3 percent, suggesting the economic recovery remained weak.

Area Man Still Searching For Hookup Subculture On LinkedIn

GLADYS, VA—After weeks of concerted effort aimed at trying to meet sexual partners through the professional networking site, local man Hugh Nesbitt told reporters Friday that he has yet to break in to the underworld of casual hookups surely hidden b...
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Family

Kids Love When Mom Sad Enough To Just Order Pizza

FORT WORTH, TX—Saying they get their hopes up anytime they notice her looking particularly downhearted, siblings Paulo and Marisa Hernandez told reporters Wednesday they love it when their mother is sad enough to just order pizza.

Nation Still Reeling From Mega-Success Of 'Mr. Popper's Penguins'

WASHINGTON—The nation's 300 million citizens announced Saturday that they are still walking around in a collective awe-inspired daze from the phenomenal blockbuster movie Mr. Popper's Penguins, which in its 13-month run has grossed $312 billion, made Carla Gugino Hollywood's top-paid actress, spawned a No. 1–rated spin-off series on the CW, and inspired 200 million downloads of the "Where's It Poppin?" smartphone app, which directs users to the closest screening of the movie. "Not a day goes by at work without hearing [Mr.] Popper['s Penguins] quoted at least five times," said self-described "Pop nut" Cassie O'Hara, 32, proudly displaying the tattoo on her hip of the film's affectionate penguin Lovey. "It's such a vital cultural touchstone. Years from now, historians will describe the world as pre-Popper or post-Popper. I've seen it once a week for the past year, and I'm just now finally getting a little bit tired of it." Indeed, concerned that the film's popularity has finally peaked, animal shelters across America are preparing for a sudden influx of penguins bought as pets and now expected to be abandoned on the street.

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