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Area Man Unsure If He’s Male-Bonding Or Being Bullied

Perplexed local man Russell Chambliss has no idea if the coworkers seated with him at Malone’s Irish Tavern are attempting to forge a male bond with him or cruelly harassing him, the 26-year-old shipping clerk told reporters Wednesday evening.

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.

Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:
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Nation Still Reeling From Mega-Success Of 'Mr. Popper's Penguins'

WASHINGTON—The nation's 300 million citizens announced Saturday that they are still walking around in a collective awe-inspired daze from the phenomenal blockbuster movie Mr. Popper's Penguins, which in its 13-month run has grossed $312 billion, made Carla Gugino Hollywood's top-paid actress, spawned a No. 1–rated spin-off series on the CW, and inspired 200 million downloads of the "Where's It Poppin?" smartphone app, which directs users to the closest screening of the movie. "Not a day goes by at work without hearing [Mr.] Popper['s Penguins] quoted at least five times," said self-described "Pop nut" Cassie O'Hara, 32, proudly displaying the tattoo on her hip of the film's affectionate penguin Lovey. "It's such a vital cultural touchstone. Years from now, historians will describe the world as pre-Popper or post-Popper. I've seen it once a week for the past year, and I'm just now finally getting a little bit tired of it." Indeed, concerned that the film's popularity has finally peaked, animal shelters across America are preparing for a sudden influx of penguins bought as pets and now expected to be abandoned on the street.

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