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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Nation Suddenly Feels Old After Seeing Nick-At-Nite Lineup

 SCHAUMBURG, IL—The American people were thrust into a profound existential crisis Sunday after noticing that nostalgia-programming network Nick-at-Nite has begun airing reruns of such seemingly recent sitcoms as Full House, Mad About You, and The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air. "Murphy Brown? But I remember watching that when it was on regular TV," said Schaumburg resident Sam Kemp, 34, who along with millions of others nationwide was forced to confront his own mortality upon learning that the late-'80s Candice Bergen sitcom now qualifies as classic programming from television's distant past. "Why are they playing shows from 1988? That's only…fuck, that's 19 years ago? Oh God, I've wasted my life." To escape thoughts of the swift, relentless passage of time and their own inevitable deaths, Kemp and 120 million others stayed up until 4 a.m. watching a marathon of vintage Roseanne episodes.

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Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.

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