GREENVILLE, NC—Aiming to accommodate family members’ preferences and avoid any frustration, local parents Melissa and Ron Walters officially designated the upstairs television for anybody who did not want to watch the Thanksgiving football games on Thursday, sources reported.
SOUTH BEND, IN—Citing their intensity during rehearsals as well as their offstage closeness, thousands of citizens across the country are beginning to suspect that Jason Dillow, 17, and Amanda White, 16, stars of John Adams High School's production of Guys And Dolls, may be dating. "Given the amount of time Jason and Amanda spend with each other running lines, it's becoming quite clear that their relationship extends beyond the play," said 46-year-old carpenter Dave Barnes of Paterson, NJ. "Are the American people supposed to believe that there is nothing going on between those two when they always somehow end up sitting together in the back-rub circle?" Though millions of Americans are convinced that the young thespians are in fact a couple, a large segment of the population ardently maintains that Dillow is a flaming homo.