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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Nation Thankful That Shellie Dean Zimmerman Was Charged With Perjury At Least

WASHINGTON—Saying that, hey, it beats nothing, Americans across the nation expressed gratitude today that Shellie Dean Zimmerman, the Florida woman accused of lying to police about husband George Zimmerman’s finances while he was imprisoned this year for the death of teenager Trayvon Martin, has been officially charged with perjury under state law. “Look, no matter how anything else turned out, Shellie Dean Zimmerman has still been charged with the offense of lying to authorities, so, justice served, right?” Maryland resident Abby Liptak told reporters on Monday, noting that while it’s unfortunate George Zimmerman was found innocent over the weekend of murdering an unarmed black teenager, she’s at least glad his wife will be tried for a third-degree felony. “So you thought you could get away with perjury, did you, Mrs. Zimmerman? Well, not so fast, Shellie—not so fast!” Liptak additionally told reporters that if Shellie Zimmerman is convicted on charges and gets even 12 or 13 months of probation, she’ll consider the Trayvon Martin case closed.

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