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Nation Throws Hands Up, Tells Black Teenagers To Do Their Best Out There

Americans everywhere say there’s not a whole lot they can tell black teenagers right now other than good luck and stay safe.
Americans everywhere say there’s not a whole lot they can tell black teenagers right now other than good luck and stay safe.

WASHINGTON—Following Saturday's not guilty verdict in the George Zimmerman trial, an exasperated and speechless nation could reportedly do nothing other than wish black teenagers good luck out there, saying that they’re definitely going to need it.

“Yeah, I don’t know what to tell you other than keep your wits about you and hope for the best,” Alexandria, VA resident Michael Klein advised the nation’s 10 million African-American youths. “Honestly, I’d recommend just staying inside after sundown if you can.”

“Try to stay safe, okay?” he added.

After neighborhood watch patrolman George Zimmerman was acquitted of all charges in a case where he admitted to shooting and killing unarmed 17-year-old Trayvon Martin, a frustrated U.S. populace said that maybe the only thing left for black teenagers to do is hope and pray for the best.

In addition, the citizenry said that it’s basically gotten to the point where African-American teens need to avoid walking alone, hanging out in groups, or even minding their own business, especially if they are planning to do any of those things in public.

Moreover, the nation told reporters that it’s pretty clear all black teenagers—whether they live in inner-city Chicago or the Florida suburbs—are pretty much on their own now, and the sooner they understand that nobody will be able to help them, the better off they’ll be.

“I mean, what can I say? You have no legal system to turn to, the police are out to get you, and everyone is immediately suspicious of you,” said Denver real-estate agent Kelly Martin, adding that she has been racking her brain trying to think of helpful advice for the teenagers, but that all she could come up with was, “Try to stay alive if you can.” “If you’re a black teen, you’re basically living in the Wild West right now. Not exactly words of encouragement, but there you have it.”

“You have to be able to defend yourself, and if you can’t defend yourself, I’m sorry,” she continued. “I’m truly, truly sorry.”

In addition to urging African-American youths to just keep their heads down and hope nobody messes with them, the populace noted that it couldn’t hurt if they also avoided making any fast movements, putting their hands in their pockets, or wearing anything that could somehow be construed as intimidating.

“If I were a black teenager, I would wear a white t-shirt and khaki shorts at all times, even if it’s winter,” said 34-year-old claims adjuster Nick Delmar. “Then again, some psycho would probably think white T-shirts and khaki shorts were some sort of gang thing, kill the kid, say he thought the kid appeared to be violent and dangerous, and probably be found not guilty.”

“What can I say other than it’s scary as all hell out there for you,” he added. “Good luck and godspeed.”

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