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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Nation Tired Of Having To Skim Past Headlines About Apple, Samsung Lawsuit

WASHINGTON—Citizens browsing news sites across the United States expressed frustration Monday after being forced to skim past more headlines about the ongoing patent infringement lawsuit between Apple and Samsung. “It seems like every morning there’s another new article about this thing and, quite honestly, I just don’t care about it and I’m not clicking on it,” said ad copywriter James Gibaldi, one of the millions of exasperated Americans who told reporters they were tired of Apple/Samsung links occupying space that could be used for political, entertainment, sports, health, or other technology news. “When I see ‘Apple’ in the headline I expect it to be about the new iPhone or something interesting, but it just turns out to be some new thing about the lawsuit. Jesus, I thought I scrolled past a headline weeks ago saying it was resolved, but there’s more stuff every day.” At press time, citizens also said they were becoming weary of daily headlines about Syria’s rising death toll, saying they would much rather see them replaced with more links about the cancellation of Jersey Shore.

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