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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?
End Of Section
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Nation To Always Remember Yao Ming’s 22-Point, 8-Rebound Game Against Milwaukee

HOUSTON—Since Yao Ming’s intention to retire from the NBA was first reported last Friday, basketball fans across the country have been reflecting on the player’s nine-year career, with nearly all of them agreeing the Rockets center will forever be remembered for his 22-point, 8-rebound performance against the Milwaukee Bucks during a regular season game in 2007.

“It was just classic Yao,” said Rockets fan Nate Dula, adding that everything about the contest, from Yao’s softness on defense to his early foul trouble, would forever be part of NBA lore. “The 4-foot turnaround jump shots where his feet barely left the ground, the 9-for-22 shooting performance, the single offensive rebound. We were watching a legend in the making before our very eyes.”

“Everyone knew it was a special night when he got dunked on by [6-foot-3 guard] Charlie Bell,” Dula added. “But when Bell did it again in the fourth quarter, that brought the night from great to unforgettable.”

According to fans, Yao’s vintage performance ranks with some of the all-time greatest individual achievements in basketball, including Michael Jordan’s 63-point playoff game against the Celtics, Wilt Chamberlain’s 100-point night, and Magic Johnson’s baby sky hook to win Game 4 of the NBA Finals. Had Yao tallied more than one offensive rebound, fans said, it would have easily been the greatest performance in the history of the sport.

Fans also cited Yao’s 4-for-7 shooting from the free-throw line and his complete vanishing act in the last five minutes of the game as evidence of his play during the midseason contest being “truly epic.”

Moreover, many maintained that the game’s signature image—that of Yao Ming limping off the court following a second-quarter foot injury—would never be forgotten.

“The way he awkwardly dunked with one hand so that it almost looked like he couldn’t jump high enough to dunk a basketball gave me chills,” Houston resident Gary Udall said of the 7-foot-6 Yao. “And, you have to think of the context, too. A regular season game in March with nothing on the line against the fifth-place Bucks? That’s when Yao really came into his own.”

“I think he may have even led the Rockets in scoring that game,” Udall added. “Actually, wait, no. Tracy McGrady also had 22 points.”

Though most fans agree Yao’s 22-point, 8-rebound effort against the Bucks was his greatest game, some argue the best was his 21-point, 6-rebound game against Charlotte in 2006; his 22-point, 6-rebound game against the Bulls in 2004; or his 22-point, 7-rebound game against Memphis in 2007. However, many contend that considering Yao was only two rebounds shy of a double-double and had only one blocked shot despite being a foot taller than nearly every player on the court, the Milwaukee game is the performance in which Yao the mere player became Yao the legend.

In addition, Rockets fans claimed that when Yao wasn’t on the floor during the game, the crowd experienced that “classic, unspoken feeling” that dominated the entire Yao Ming era: the sense that maybe the team would be substantially better, more efficient, and, on the whole, more exciting without Yao on the court.

“I was actually at the game,” said Joe Laskowski, removing the ticket stub he keeps in his wallet. “The energy of the crowd was… Well, it was nowhere close to how electric it was when Hakeem Olajuwon played for us. In fact, I think Kenny Smith was more fun to watch. And so was Steve Francis, when I come to think of it. Also Scottie Pippen, even though he was way past his prime when he joined the team. And then there’s Luis Scola, who is a pretty underrated player. Oh, you know, we had Barkley there for a bit. Drexler, too, of course, Clyde the Glide. Who else… Let me think here. Oh, yeah, Robert Horry. Big Shot Rob. That guy helped us win a couple titles.”

“But none of those players can say they helped the Rockets reach the second round of the NBA playoffs before going down with a career-ending foot injury,” Laskowski continued. “Not one.”

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