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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Nation To Be Sterilized From 1 P.M. To 4 P.M. This Friday

NEW YORK—The mandatory sterilization of all sexually mature U.S. citizens is set to take place this Friday from 1 p.m. to 4 p.m Eastern Standard Time. Everyone is reminded to have their genitals clean-shaven before reporting to local Defertilization Centers at the time indicated on the information cards mailed out last month.

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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