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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.
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Nation To Be Sterilized From 1 P.M. To 4 P.M. This Friday

NEW YORK—The mandatory sterilization of all sexually mature U.S. citizens is set to take place this Friday from 1 p.m. to 4 p.m Eastern Standard Time. Everyone is reminded to have their genitals clean-shaven before reporting to local Defertilization Centers at the time indicated on the information cards mailed out last month.

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