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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Nation Trying To Remember What Team That One Guy Played For

NEW YORK—As of Wednesday, Americans were still attempting to remember what professional team that one guy played for, an inquiry that reportedly began when certain fans claimed they were almost certain the poor guy retired just before his team finally made it to the playoffs that one year. "I could have sworn he started his career in Philadelphia, but he ended up in San Francisco," 42-year-old Steve Sultan told reporters, adding that he seems to remember that the guy wasn't half bad defensively but was almost a liability on offensive. "Or was it Denver? Were they even in the league then?" The U.S. populace generally agrees that this guy isn't the same guy you're probably thinking of, but it understands how you could confuse the two.

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