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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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Nation Undecided On Whether It Hates Celtics Or Lakers More

WASHINGTON—The NBA Finals have thrown the nation's basketball fans into a state of angry confusion this week, as the bitter debate over whether they despise the Celtics or Lakers more rages on. "Kobe is such an egotistical prick that it's really easy to detest the Lakers, especially with that clenched-jaw face he makes, but come on—you have to hate the Celtics because the Big Three are so much more fucking annoying," said Jeff Connor, a St. Louis native. "I'll admit that I can't stand Pau Gasol, just because the guy rubs me the wrong way, maybe due to his disgusting greasy hair. Phil Jackson is a pretty huge asshole with all that loud whistling he does, but Rondo is the most irritating little shit, and I loathe that fat sweaty hog Glen Davis. Ray Allen is actually okay. That dick Kevin Garnett, though, is a chest-pounding idiot." After much discussion, a consensus appears to be near, as Americans are agreeing to hate the Lakers and Celtics equally.

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